It's 4:00 on a gorgeous fall day. It's actually been so warm today that I went for a hike in the natural lands with just jeans and a short-sleeved shirt. The colors are at their end and there are piles of crunchy leaves all over the ground. Another good rain and fall will be over, I fear. But I'll enjoy this last bit while it lasts and be thankful for a couple warm hours.

I practiced five hours Friday and almost eight yesterday and will probably practice another three or four tomorrow. This week will be my intense push for the finish on my recital. My dress rehearsal is a week from Tuesday, after which I'll have 10 days to just play through it every day a couple times. But by the dress rehearsal I have a lot of final polishing to do and button-pushing and a lot of tempos to fix and rough spots to woodshed. I'm almost finished writing my program notes--they were HARD to write and I'm still not happy with them, really. It's tricky trying to know what to say and what not to, and trying to capture all I've come to love about this hour-long program on a single sheet of paper.

This Saturday I have master classes in the cities and then Becky comes to visit. Before then a lot of cool stuff will happen, including the orchestra's awesome home concert tomorrow night, the Chapel Choir vespers concert tonight, the Cantorei hayride and bonfire on Friday night followed by John Schwandt improvising to the old silent Phantom of the Opera in Boe. A lot of other stuff needs to happen and I'll especially be working on Oles for Life stuff this week. And I have my second French test Wednesday morning. Other than that, I'll be spending every spare hour I have practicing until Saturday morning. I can't believe this recital is only three weeks away!

I forgot to write a couple weeks ago and then didn't have the time last week. I just wanted to write a quick update. I'm just finishing fall break, heading off to spend the rest of the day practicing and writing program notes now. My recital is less than four weeks away. Unfortunately, the recital will not be streamed online. I misunderstood the rules about this and apparently it's not available, for several reasons. Why it got streamed last year I don't know--probably a fluke and it sounds like that was part of the faculty discussion that led to the "no streaming" decision. Too bad I didn't know about this... Anyway, I'm disappointed, but as a friend reminded me, "God knows what He's doing."

Fall break has been awesome. I took a road trip with some buddies and it was quite probably the best weekend of my life, for a lot of reasons.

Now I'm working hard and constantly until November 10 to pull off an AWESOME recital. I want every note to be there. I ran half the program for a small group of visitors to campus yesterday and playing for an audience turned me on--it really, really worked. So I'm very excited about the program. I hope to get it video-taped so those who can't see it now can watch it later perhaps.

Back to work. More later.

Sorry I never wrote last Sunday. The past two weeks have been really good but also marked by some poor health. I'm getting stronger but would still appreciate prayers that I would stay strong. The muscle pain and exhaustion have been severe at times.

The weather is beginning to change and the leaves are incredibly beautiful, and get more vibrant every hour, it seems. Fall seems to be almost at its peak already which is rather surprising. I'm hoping it will hold out at least a bit so Becky can see some of it when she visits in four weeks, but we'll see.

School continues to go well. I still love all my classes. French is easy, which is great. I'm learning a lot in voice class this time around and choral conducting is awesome. My two conducting buddies, Ben and Michael, are wonderfully talented and we are meeting twice a week to conduct for each other and give feedback. We're all pleased with how much we're growing. Last week was interesting--Tuesday I was up to conduct in class and the weather was bad. I was in so much pain I could hardly walk and my heart had been racing all day. But Dr. Aspaas said something about how, on that square, we could be whoever we wanted to be. (We've talked a lot about conductor as actor.) I got up on that podium and, even though I had to sit on a stool for the last half, I conducted, pushed through it, and was who I wanted to be: a conductor. It was extremely therapeutic.

My friends are wonderful and the Christian fellowship I have on campus is, frankly, some of the best Christian fellowship I've had in my life and continues to surprise me with its increasing depth and maturity. This week an interesting challenge faced the conservatives among the mafia with a particularly liberal chapel message. The thoughtful pursuit of holiness and graciousness which characterized our ensuing discussions was so cool.

I'm working hard on my junior recital and by the end of this week should have all the notes well under my fingers, and then the polishing will begin. The recital is 6 weeks from tomorrow and I will be sending out invitations to come or to watch online in the next couple weeks.

This week not too much exciting is happening that I know of. Things are low-key, which will give me a lot of time to practice and hopefully enjoy the weather. Last night 90 minutes of frisbee was perhaps the high point of my week. Another cool thing I'm doing is "tutoring" half a dozen sophomores in music history. We meet to review my old notes every time they have a test or quiz coming up. I love doing that. Also cool this week was playing the Hovhaness Prayer of St. Gregory with a friend for the meditation during Friday Morning Prayer in Boe. And the Limestones concert on Friday night was pretty much amazing...

For now I'm off to enjoy 10 minutes of gorgeous weather and then meet half a dozen girls and Dave Olson's wife, Catherine, for a time of prayer and fellowship. Then I'm having dinner with a friend, singing in a lab choir, and going to the student worship hour before an early bedtime.

I'm back. I'm going to try to resume my old practice of "writing home" on Sundays again. Sorry it's been so long. There are a lot of reasons and they're all pretty boring.

I'm sitting in the computer lab in Mellby drinking mint hot cocoa given me by my dear adopted family in Minnesota for my birthday, listening to the steady rain that's been coming down all afternoon, trying not to notice how yellow the leaves are already turning.

I'm in the lounge because my computer is on the fritz. It's been limping along for about a month now, but this morning when I turned it on the screen was covered in stripes. I hit it and it brought back a bit of functionality for a minute, but it doesn't seem to be responsive much beyond that. So eventually I'll get another screen hooked up to it and hopefully thus salvage my computer for awhile longer. Horror of horrors, next time I buy I think I'm going Mac. (Shhh, don't tell me. I'll get upset. I'm trying to keep it a secret from me.) But the day when I have the funds to replace a computer (let alone a pair of socks) are going to be awhile in coming. So I'm being creative, resourceful, and living life simply.

This semester is going to be sweet. I'm going into it having finally struck a balance, I hope (one that will constantly need re-calibrating, for sure), between rigorous, disciplined "doing things" (as some of my friends and I lovingly(?) refer to the joys of homework and rehearsals and busywork and generally acting like an adult) and time to chill, either with or without friends. I'm also going into it happier than I've ever been, stronger than I've ever been, and more devoted to walking with the Lord than I've ever been. I'm thinking if a coin can have three sides, those are the sides. Life is good.

So what's on my plate this semester?

French 112: My 8a class is on the far side of campus and conducted almost entirely in French. I'm not a fan of all the busy-work involved, and I'm opting not to do some of it since there are more important things, and since I'm finding I don't really need it. I am a fan of realizing how quickly I'm regaining my French from (wow!) seven years ago.

Voice Class: I took voice class my first semester here and I'm taking it again to get back into solo vocal work before I have to finish my last three semesters enrolled in private voice lessons for my major. I'm enjoying working with Sig Johnson again and refreshing some of the relationship she and I had when I was a freshman. Our common tendency to limp across campus is a dear bond between us. My first piece for voice class is How Beautiful Are the Feet of Them from the Messiah. I might be singing it in class tomorrow morning...

Chapel: Daily chapel has become a highlight of St. Olaf for me, for many reasons. It has created a rhythm of worship to my academic routine that is not just my own but which I share with other Christian colleagues.

World Music: This is an easy class for non-music majors and music-majors alike, taught by Dave Hagedorn (jazz and percussion faculty), who is so chill and so awesome. I'm loving it more than I thought I would, learning the power behind so many kinds of music. We're studying early American work songs and the Blues right now. I do pretty much no work outside of class. (I didn't even buy the textbook since I ran out of funds, haha...)

Lunch: Sometimes this happens. Sometimes it happens with friends. Both are cool.

String Class: Again a cool class with two really chill profs, one of whom is blind. No work outside of class, but I am learning to play viola, and LOVING IT. We watched a video about Suzuki on Friday which made me do a lot of thinking and changed my opinion of that method.

Church Music Practicum: My two T/Th classes take place along with MSM students from Luther Seminary, which is neat. This one is led by Ferg, and it's mostly discussion of the philosophies, nuts, and bolts of being a church musician and all that entails. We're reading Westermeyer's The Church Musician, which so far is very good. I'm finding this class helpful in forming and honing my thinking, but also a bit frustrating because of the prevalant "gigging it" mentality of some of my colleagues.

Choral Conducting: I have SO found my calling. This class, with Chris Aspaas, is teaching me so much. I'm getting much more comfortable with conducting, directing, rehearsing, leading and I think I'm going to do quite well in this. I'll probably work more for this class than any other this semester. It is, simply, "my thing." And Aspaas is wonderful.

Organ: Organ studies have gotten off to a good start. I have 8a lessons on Thursdays, which is nice. I'll be playing chapel four or five times this fall. I'm excited to be working on repertoire for my junior recital, which is tentatively scheduled for Monday, November 10, at 7:00 p.m. Eight weeks away--hard to believe. I'm trying to play some piece from it in studio every Thursday night just to work on the "performance" side of things. I'm practicing often at 5:30 a.m., and finding it easy to practice many more hours, now, too, since the practice rooms have moved to the basement of the old Science center (Olaf just built a new Science complex), from their original home up five flights of stairs. On bad days I simply can't make that climb. Now they're just a lazy dash across the lawn from my dorm.

The Organ Mafia: I have been lovingly dubbed "The Grandmother" of the organ mafia. Last year Kenny was "The Godfather." This year Rachel, as our only senior, is "The Godmother." But I, as the ancient 22-year-old I have just become, am, of course, "The Grandmother." The mafia is a joy to me this year, characterized by such mutual love, respect, encouragement, support; such fun; and a spirit of service to God and neighbor that is beautiful to behold. Today after lunch a handful of us returned to Boe to help one of our buddies with his task of cleaning up from worship, as sacristan. No need to, really, except that it was a way to serve and this is what we want to do. It's pretty cool.

Cantorei: I am the librarian and soprano co-section leader for Cantorei this year and I have thusfar put in 30 hours of work time not including our standard rehearsals. I love the job and it is an honor to be working with a gifted, committed cabinet of officers to make Cantorei awesome this year. I love the people, the spirit, the talent, and the sound that's already characterizing us, and if last year is any indicator, it's only going to get better. It's a treat to be working closely in leadership with Ferg, too.

Oles for Life: My roommate, Aileen, and I are co-presidents of this student organization this year and are planning a Walk for Life for the spring. Please pray that God would bless our endeavors with success. We are organizing an opening picnic to start the year off this Saturday.

L'Abri Lecture Series: I am organizing L'Abri this year, assisted by three other students including my other roommate, Rachel. We've just had our first lecture, on Skepticism, which went really well. Our second, on Ethics and Art, is a week from Wednesday. It's a pleasure to be facilitating this kind of activity on campus.

Selah: I can't make it to the wonderful "Thursday Night Bible Study" that happens here because of my studio class, so this year I'm going to start attending the Sunday night worship in the Pause (student-run hang-out/stage/club spot). It's just a time of singing and prayer, led by a student-run worship team. It's been really refreshing so far.

Andy Pokel's lab choir: I'll be singing with a small SATB choir led by a senior for his advanced conducting class project. This is always one of the highlights of my year and this year it's cool to be singing with Andy, who's one of the Cantorei officers and is a dear Christian friend. He calls me SooBe. I don't recommend you try it because I'm pretty sure he's the only one who can get away with it. I call him Pokey.

That's pretty much it, except for the occasional concert, master class, etc. I'm still attending my church in Farmington. My health is pretty good (I biked and walked all summer and am in the best shape of my life) though I'm dealing with a lot of returned pain as the weather is starting to change. That scares me a bit and I know this year will be hard. It makes me miss this summer since I felt so, so good for three months. But I know the joy of the Lord is my strength. Or, as we sang in chapel this morning, "Oh my soul, praise Him, for He is thy health and salvation.

Now I'm off to dinner with one of my roommates and hopefully I'll find some time this evening to write a few overdue thank-you notes, read more out of JC Ryle's Holiness, which I've been feasting on all summer, and decorate my planner book for the year with Scripture, quotations, and hymn stanzas. Then after Selah tonight I'm meeting a couple friends for prayer and then will get to bed earlyish and be at the organ by 6:00, I hope.

More next Sunday...

I am finally blogging again because the other option for spending the next 10 minutes is to watch my conducting video tape. Not a hard decision.

But I'll still do my conducting tape after this, then sign up my 13 vocalists for their juries, then go to dinner, practice and accompany, and hang out with friends for awhile hopefully.

The semester is almost over--hard to believe. Already one of my classes has had its last meeting. I'm starting to realize all the seniors who are going to be gone, which is weird, and starting to anticipate next year, which is exciting.

As odd as it is that I'll be past the halfway point (a junior!) it will be a good term. I'll be busier than ever yet as far as time management goes but hopefully my classes will be pretty easy academically. I'm excited to have my first semester with neither theory/ear training or history. I feel like a free spirit! :)

I'll be taking French, World Music, Choral Conducting, Church Music Practicum, String Class, Voice Class, and organ. I'll be president of L'Abri Lectures, co-president of Oles for Life with Aileen Han, and librarian of Cantorei. I'll be rooming with Aileen and Rachel, in the same building as most of the organists--same place I lived this year, same place I'll live my last year. I'll be playing my junior recital in November and possibly going to NY for a Bach conference at Eastman with a bunch of my colleagues.

I have a few finals, a few performances, and a few little projects to finish up in the next two weeks, but I'm pretty much done already and enjoying a more relaxing pace as spring finally appears. I'm practicing a lot, already working on my junior recital repertoire. And I'm tying up lots of loose ends and getting ready for a summer of classes, weddings, and house sitting for a prof.

And for now I'd better stop procrastinating. See a lot of you in about two weeks! I cannot believe time has gone so fast.

A quick hello since Becky's begun to deny my existence.

I came out breathing on the other end of hell-week and life is sweet. The weather's getting good--spring is almost here, even though we're headed for several days of cold, dreary, windy rain. But today was 70s, breezy, and sunny and I sat on the lawn studying for two hours, ate dinner on the patio, and went for a sunset bike ride.

The rain might be a good thing because it'd keep me indoors studying. But it'll actually probably turn out not so good because it'll make me ache and then my productivity will drop.

I'm mostly home free. The only tough stuff left academically is finals. My organ studies are almost through. My workload will mount next week as I begin to sort through the 15 juries I've taken. Four weeks from today I will be packing up my room, celebrating my first day of being done with school.

Continuance jury recital is in less than a week and my wrist is giving me grief over all the practice I've done this week. I'll start learning left hand and pedal of my junior recital music this weekend.

For now I'd best rehearse my conducting assignment for tomorrow so I don't humiliate myself when I get up to conduct. (So scary!)

If I don't write again it's because I'm doing something useful or enjoying the weather or my friends. Must enjoy spring while it lasts and I'm also realizing that only 4 weeks remain for hanging out with my friends before 3 months apart.

I'm home May 23-31 and then back at it for a three classes and practice this summer.

Contrary to appearances, I still exist. This month is INSANE.

Spring break was awesome and restful and a good chance to step back, get out of the mad pace of campus life, and think and reflect for a week and a half. I thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed being at RP again for two Sundays and also had a good visit to Emory University. Spending time with Fontaninis and Thompsons ROCKED, and I was able to visit David for a couple days too. All in all, a most excellent break...

...Except for the snowstorm the day I left (I got into Atlanta at 2:45a instead of 10:30p) and the snowstorm the day I returned (Though I only got in 30 minutes late, it was made worse by the horrifying drive back to school with friends in a taxi with a wet seat and the smell of cigarettes and a driver who wouldn't shut up.)

Other than that, it was fantastic.

Now I'm back into the grind, to put it mildly. Things have not been busy for me yet this semester. Well, NOW they are busy.

I have two major solo performances coming up in the next three weeks, playing for chapel twice (once was this week), playing a piece for the Cantorei spring tour this weekend. I'm accompanying over a dozen vocalists to finish my work study. And then when April is over I can "settle down" (except for all the rehearsing with vocalists!) and start work on what's left to learn for my junior recital.

I have a bunch of non-school (financial, work, paperwork) stuff to attend to which always makes life busier than I wish it were. And then I have a week like April 14-18:

ear training/improv skills exam
music history exam (#2 of 3--have I mentioned these are a BIG deal?)
conducting exam
student recital performance
host lecture for pro-life group
music history research project due
Andrew Carter festival rehearsals, dress rehearsals, program

YUK. Then choir ends the next week and slowly but surely life winds down to finals, which start on May 16. Then I'm home for a week and back to school for the summer.

Summer is shaping up to be fantastic. Rachel and I will be house-sitting for an awesome elderly English prof and his wife (they are returning home to the UK for the summer). Their house is a short walk from St. Olaf and will be a lovely retreat and change of pace from dorm life; not to mention we'll have air conditioning. I'm planning to work independently this summer as well as play several weddings. I'll be practicing organ and conducting and taking three classes, accumulating 4 important Gen Ed requirements: Counterpoint (independent study), Paul's Letters, and Public Speaking. And I'll probably receive a grant I'm applying for which will give me registration and a stipend to attend the summer worship & the arts conference here at St. Olaf. Promises to be a fun summer, rewarding, action-packed summer; but with plenty of time for long morning or evening bike rides and walks. I am getting excited about Minnesota summer as the days grow longer and longer. Already the sun is up by 6:30!

For now I'm off to play the french horn, take a dictation quiz, eat lunch with "the organ mafia," take care of more paperwork/financial stuff, do laundry, attend Alice's lecture on Russian Nationalism (WOOT!), hit the gym, attend Cantorei dress rehearsal, outline my research paper, and then pick up loose ends before we leave for tour tomorrow morning at 8:30. If you don't hear from me again before April 21 you'll know why.

As I sat in Boe today writing a paper while listening to the orchestra's dress rehearsal for their spring concert I suddenly remembered the same time last year, sitting in the same pew, listening to the same dress rehearsal.

Last year, this same day, I was in quite possibly the lowest, darkest time of my entire life and that day was the worst of it.

Today I am in perhaps the most beautiful, brightest time of my entire life, and this day perhaps the best of it. God is amazing.

I just hafta say that I never knew it was possible to be this in love with God.

That is all.

I can hardly believe that spring break is only two weeks away. This week has been busy. Not too busy, but busy enough. For several reasons I wound up not making it to the gym for over a week and then a few weather snaps and a few late nights and a few things on my mind when I should be peacefully asleep have landed me in a lot of pain the past couple days. Today was really frsutrating: too weak to practice or conduct effectively; tired and in pain so walking to and from is costly and focusing on my studies takes energy.

Meanwhile I'm studying for my first huge Alice test. There is more material on this test than on most of the finals I've taken at St. Olaf. And this is just the first of three tests. This afternoon I finally reached breaking point just before choir and decided to put away my studying, lie down for a few minutes, and back out of my two-hour evening commitment. That's left time for a bit more studying since. But even that I've given up on now, chosen to take what I can get on the test tomorrow and leave it at that. I'm on my way to studio class now after having taken some time to clean my room and listen to a sermon.

This weekend I'm helping with the music auditions and interviews for highschool seniors. Tomorrow my 9:00 class was cancelled so I'm hoping I'll get down to the gym and get a good 9 hours of sleep. Hopefully those two things will be very healing.

I have a theory midterm, a trombone test, an ear training test, the first half of my history research project, and two more conducting assignments and a test due before break in addition to needing to finish my taxes and handle several administrative things for organizations I'm in leadership for here on campus.

Organ is going swimmingly and I love it. Choir is awesome and our tour program is shaping up to be beautiful.

Time to head for studio. I may or may not check back in before break, when I'm heading down to Atlanta for two weekends and the week between.

I am not a fan of drizzly, dreary days. But the first drizzly day of the year--that is to say, the first day that it is warm enough for rain to be in liquid form--could just about make me dance. The magic is breaking. Aslan must be on the move.

Another good day. Fuller than yesterday and in some ways even more productive, though not without its frustrations.

Up at 5:15 again. Practicing by 6:30. I got kicked out by the tuners at 7:30 and went to eat breakfast while preparing my conducting assignment. Then I spent another hour practicing conducting, flute, and Widor's V on the piano. Theory class was really easy reinforcing of "almost-non-functional" harmony, whih was super fun. I left early to play chapel for which I was unable to warm up because of the tuners and then the pastor announced a different hymn from the one I'd prepared and I had to play it with not so much as three seconds to process it. But it went OK. Conducting class went well and then I had a short time to prepare for my lesson--the piano tuner kicked me out of the orchestra room where I'm accustomed to warming up. My lesson was 25 minutes long because Ferg is way over-committed and busy right now with Regents on campus, hosting Bradley Welch for five days, and being on a search committee which is busy interviewing the final round of candidates for a new theory professor. I practiced for the rest of my lesson time. Choir was productive and therapeutic. I had another chat with my doubting friend and then wrote my conducting self-evaluation after watching my video tape of it (eye-opener!). Then I had a few minutes to chill before dinner at 6:30 with friends and then Bradley Welch's phenomenal organ recital, which he ended with an arrangement of Amazing Grace that drudged up so many memories of home that it made me cry. I've just come back to my room after sitting in Boe thinking for an hour and now I'm headed for bed. Good day. These blow-by-blow recounts won't become a habit, Mom, sorry. :D

So, I got a B on my first Alice quiz, better than I hoped for but hopefully I'll do better next time. I'm working on enjoying the class and doing better at that, grade or no grade. My trumpet test went OK this morning, too. Not the best, but OK. And my prof passed me on his way into the caf and was all, "Haha, trumpet player!" He's weird.

I'm loving this semester. Today I was up at 5:15, practicing in Boe at 6:00. Quick breakfast at 7:45 an then practiced trumpet for 45 minutes. After brass class and chapel was ear training, which is very stretching for me. On Dave's recommendation I'm exposing myself to some Bulgarian music, Dave Brubeck, and Bartok's Mikrokosmos in an attempt to sharpen my irregular rhythm skills. I played for someone's make-up jury at the last minute, then ate a quick lunch with friends, had a good chat with JC Keister, ran some errands, went to Alice class where we studied Don Giovanni ("the sex lecture," as it's called here), and have spent the last two hours doing random study and research for organ, etc. I actually have time to pursue questions like "What's the story behind Clavier Ubung III," which I just got a new Barenreiter score for and will be working through this year. I also began work on Widor's Toccata V. Now I'm headed to dinner with Carrie, then the gym, and at 7:00 Casablanca is playing in our theater. Then I'll hit the sack and do another very early morning tomorrow, since I'll be playing for chapel.

And it's been in the 30s for three days now. Sweet.

I suppose it's time for me to write since it's been awhile. The semester is now in full swing. I've had my first music history quiz, which I didn't do too well on, and I have a playing test on trumpet tomorrow morning. I've begun my research project for the semester, on the first movement (or maybe the Recordare) from Mozart's Requiem. Organ repertoire is going well and I'm way ahead of the game because of having interim to practice. I am learning tons of notes. I love my schedule and love my classes, partly because they are all challenging. So far this has been my best semester at St. Olaf. I think I've figured a lot out that's enabling me to stay sane. In addition, God has given me two friends in particular whose friendship has been deeper than any I've had yet at St. Olaf. I am finding that their presence in my life makes the difference from the last three semester's relative loneliness and even sometimes depression. It is good to share life on a more spiritual/philosophical level and something I've missed since leaving the Christian academic community at Knox to come here.

I'm involved with the pro-life group on campus once again and we just started discussing the possibility of organizing a walk for life with the pro-life group at Carleton College, which is on the other side of our tiny little town. I am praying about becoming the president of our group when our current president graduates this year. I'm nervous about the commitment but think the Lord is leading there. Perhaps my roommate and I will share the load.

L'Abri's annual conference was wonderful and so, so refreshing. It was really hard to get back into the normal swing of things after filling my mind that full of spiritual depth and reflectiveness. Both of the friends I went with felt the same way. The day after I returned (last Sunday) was an incredible day of seeing God's hand and I remember being utterly speechless that night as I shared dinner with an acquaintance. I just couldn't come back down to the "real world" from the place I'd been for three days. Just last night I said to my friend, Rachel, who went with me, "I just want to go back to L'Abri and think some more," with which she heartily agreed. But such is life, and I have next year to look forward to. Next year I'll also be the primary leader for the L'Abri group on campus since our current leader is graduating too. I'm hoping next year we'll have a whole van full of folks to go down.

Tonight the organ department is sharing dinner with Bradley Welch, a recitalist who is here to give a recital on Tuesday night. This week will be full. I'm going to try to attend a number of excellent recitals while still keeping up with my work. In the next week there are 3 organ recitals (2 by my friends), and 3 or 4 other recitals (flute, clarinet, etc.). Also, Casablanca is playing in our theater. So I'm going to try to make hay while the sun shines and kick back in the evenings. We'll see how that goes.

Schoolwork this week will include the remainder of our section on Mozart and the beginning of study of Beethoven in music history, my first graded conducting assignment (the music I'll conduct is about 15 seconds long...), more study of Eastern scales and improvisation, our first big analysis tests in chromatic/non-functional tonal harmony, the beginning of three weeks of playing the trombone, and continued work on a Bach piano/viola sonata I'm playing with a friend. And, of course, hours and hours of organ. I'm also taking flute lessons from a friend, in exchange for organ lessons. And I'm teaching another friend piano. So I'm staying very busy.

I thoroughly enjoyed my day yesterday, tired as I was from insufficient sleep all week. It made me look forward to this summer when I'll have so much more time to study and work on my own without the pressure and inconvenience of so much class time, rehearsal time, and schedule-meshing with other people. Not to mention the weather! Yesterday was over freezing and I actually didn't wear a coat most of the day. It was sunny and beautiful and made us all antsy for spring. Hopefully we won't have another below-zero snap, though we're probably still in for tons more snow. Yesterday I was up at 7:00 to clean and organize and get started on the day, then spent the whole day practicing organ, trumpet, flute, or conducting, researching or reading for music history, and meeting with the music student committee I'm on. Then in the evening I worked on the fun non-academic task of finances. (Kill me now!) It was a productive, delightful day. I wish we could have a 4-day class week and an extra day of that much value.

As always, I've rambled horribly. I'm off to dinner before Bible study.

I am pleased to report that, after a frustrating fall semester in which I despised 5 out of 5 classes, I am heading into a semester excited about 5 out of 5. All but two have had their first meetings. The other two were the ones I was already excited about, so I'm not worried about them so much.

Improvisation and Aural Skills: Dave Hagedorn. Dave is an awesome, easy-going, sharp dude--the jazz go-to guy on campus. He teaches percussion and this class, and it is obvious after today why he teaches this class. He is incredibly good, means business, and has a very pastoral, nurturing heart. He is going to turn us all into mean rhythm machines. My first semester here, when Ferg discovered my huge rhythmic deficiency, he told me "Be sure to take Dave's improv class." Word is Dave was horrible at rhythm too and decided that was not an option for an aspiring percussionist, so began working hard until he conquered it. Now he's committed to helping us do the same. This is ear training that's challenging even for a perfect-pitcher. It's going to be an intense semester. I expect I'll get an easy A since he seems like a soft grader.

Music Theory: Charles Forsberg. Forsberg was the greatest draw to this school for me after Ferg when I came up to visit. I'm since discovered more amazing things like SMA and Christmas Fest and snow and a tight organ family, but Forsberg still ranks pretty high. He is a mad scientist with white hair and a red sweater and a goofy, quirky personality. He is a composer and knows theory like you wouldn't believe. We will apply our three semesters of common practice tonal harmony, explore all other functional use of chords, and look at modern systems like serialism and such. It will not be an easy class, but I expect I'll get an A because I'll want to do all the work.

Brass Class: Paul Niemisto. Initially this was the class I thought I'd hate. Nemo doesn't have the best reputation. But I found him, as a professor, to be just my style in our first class today. The class seems to be clearly laid out, reasonable in its goals, but not silly games. I will have to observe a recital, a practice session, a private lesson, write my own composition for brass, and have a working knowledge of three instruments. I've chosen trumpet and trombone for "basic" and horn for the instrument I'll polish. It will be a challenge but it won't be as intensive as woodwind class proved to be, with an over-achieving wet-behind-the-ears band director super-mommy for a teacher who gave us three times as much work as was appropriate for a .25 credit class. I expect another A and a really good time.

Music History: 1750 to Present: Alice Hanson. At the beginning of class Alice barked at us, at highest-intensity-possible, "There are probably a lot of rumors floating around about me. I don't know where they all come from, they're probably none of them true." And then she proceeded, in less than 10 minutes, to confirm every rumor and then some. She is a scary, crazy, passionate ball of fire and she will eat you for dinner if you don't say exactly what she hopes she has programmed you to say. There are a lot of other reasons she might eat you for dinner, including misspelling, not being almost-early for class, walking in front of her when she's lecturing, because she thinks it's a generally good idea, or because she wants to know what you taste like. Alice is a force of nature, pure and simple. But her lecture today, as I'm sure each one will be, was awesome, engaging, easy to follow, and full of innuendo. If we only memorize everything she says we will have secured As in the class. At least she's not boring and vague like Gerry was. She seems to have a good heart and she clearly has an amazing mind. She has challenged me, by barking at me last week when I knocked on her office door and then saying something snide to me about class readings, to a teacher-student duel. "Can you," she seems to say, "earn my respect? Good luck." At this point I think I soundly have the upper hand, as one of the only students in class today to answer a single question to her liking. I think I answered four. I was also not late and I also had my anthology in hand. I plan to keep the upper hand. We will read hundreds of pages of textbook and primary source and listen to dozens of musical examples and memorize hundreds of Alice definitions and characteristics. I will have to work as hard for this A as I did for Gerry's A- last semester. But I want to and I think I can.

Basic Conducting: Steven Amundson. This is the last time in my life I'll have the awesome opportunity of studying under SMA, who is one of the greatest teachers I've ever had. He's also the greatest conductor I've ever witnessed and I wouldn't rather learn basic conduting under Sir George Solti. This class hasn't met yet, but I have been assured I will get the best possible education in the technical fundamentals of conducting. This is my first class ever in my life in the field I plan to work most in and probably do my master's degree in. It will be exciting to buy my first baton. I am crazy-excited about this class and will do whatever it takes to earn an A in it.

Last but not least, Organ: John Ferguson. This semester I am planning to just learn as many notes as possible, instead of focusing on perfection of a few things. My list is huge. It is a list not so much to perfect but to start and it will carry me through my continuing summer studies. My goal is to practice at least 15 hours a week in addition to my hour lesson and hour studio class. I hope to perform in three recitals: Lubeck, Howells, Bach, and Mulet. I will also be preparing Howells, Bach, and Guilmant for my fall junior recital and learning "small" repertoire for use in playing weddings while I'm here this summer. My intended repertoire list:

Howells: 3 Psalm Preludes, Set I
Bach: Prelude & Fugue in A Major
Bach: Passacaglia & Fugue
Lubeck: Praeludium and Fugue in E Major
Mulet: Carillon-Sortie
Widor: Toccata from Symphony V
Bolcom: Just As I Am (ewwwww....)
Guilmant: Symphony I, 3rd movt.
Parry: Fantasy on St. Anne

Having gotten three As in a row in organ, I am pretty much guaranteed to get one this semester even if I only learn a quarter of this music. If I manage to put all this music away in seven months it will be a record twice-over.

Not that the grades are most important or even what I care about that much. What I care about is the opportunity to study fascinating subjects with world-class teachers.

Today was good. I am slowly rebuilding my energy and also got a nap before history today. I'm on my way to bed now and then will try to pull a full, disciplined day of practice and study tomorrow, starting practice befofre 8. Today after a good chapel, good classes, fun lunch with friends, a nap, another good class, and some history study with John, I hung out with Brett (a Christian friend, a senior, one of the L'Abri leaders) making posters for L'Abri, having dinner, messing around with the organ, and chatting about politics and faith. I also practiced for about an hour.

It snowed a ton today--it was beautiful!

And as if all the preceeding didn't condemn me as enough of a geek, I have recommenced the habit of reading a book for pleasure before going to sleep at night, hoping it will help with my increasing insomnia problem. The book of choice: E: The Story of a Number, about the history and application of natural logarithms. As Mike and I say to each other, jokingly making fun of people who say this sort of thing and mean it, and because we know it's EXACTLY what we're doing:

"Don't judge me."

Well hello world! My break plans were exchanged for the exhilirating process of the flu. I had a high fever for four days and pretty much slept through all four of them. Then my fever went away and I woke up, in that order. And when I woke up, I really woke up. So much so that I couldn't sleep until 5 a.m., 11 hours later. I spent yesterday cautiously doing adventerous things like stepping out of the building and resting my eyes on textbooks (only for a few minutes), always with the constant sensation that I was going to fall over. By 4 p.m. if felt like midnight but I stayed up and watched a movie and did laundry and held onto walls and saw returning friends and even read the first chapter in a really nerdy "math page turner" called E: The Story of a Number, all in an attempt to adjust my sleep schedule. By 10:30 I was in bed an hour later than planned and finally wide awake again. By midnight I was asleep and then my body proved its need to sleep by waking up at 11:00 this morning.

As you can see, I got a lot done this week. Now for the challenging project of balancing taxes and financial stuff and all my other break odd-jobs with school this semester, all while hoping the sensation of falling over doesn't last much more than another week or so.

In all seriousness, you can pray for me as I head into a new semester--starts tomorrow--that it will go smoothly. I have plans I care very much to fulfill regarding work habits and progress and repertoire. It will take a lot of discipline and a lot of slow-and-steady pacing. I was excited about heading in ahead because I'd have the upper hand from the word go. Now I'm not only completely unprepared but I have other projects still hanging over me and I am extremely weak. So I need prayers for wisdom, strength, discipline, and patience.

Well, must go carpe diem and coram deo on this last day of freedom.

So far it's been an enjoyable break. My exam went really well yesterday morning--maybe even got an A on it. Afterwards I went to the gym and then ate lunch with Ganza, Powell, and Backman (three of my organist friends). Then I cleaned and organized and made lists, chose repertoire, made photo copies, sorted music, and then after dinner with a couple other organ buddies I practiced all evening.

My break will include a lot of sleep, the beginning of my taxes and figuring out financial aid for the next year (here come the loans...), a lot of practice time, getting ahead on studies for the semester, and lots of time at the gym.

I'm currently reading Machen's Christianity and Liberalism while at the gym and during practice breaks. (Today I spent four hours up in the 5th-floor practice rooms, reading Machen when I got tired and needed a break.)

Tonight I'm eating dinner with friends who are cooking and playing Scrabble with another friend and probably watching the new season of LOST which begins tonight.

How can it go from a beautiful 40 degrees to -15 with a windchill of -40 in a 36-hour period? Today I wore no coat. Wednesday when I go to my final it will be the coldest yet this winter.

Had a good day of practice, class, playing for chapel, hanging out with friends, practicing, looking at new organ music, and doing random tasks like scholarship applications. After finishing my final physics project paper and going to dinner I spent a couple hours at the gym where I read the first 30 pages of Machen's Christianity and Liberalism. Now I'm wrapping things up and heading towards bed. Aileen has already gone home for break.

Tomorrow I have exam review, presentation, practice, studying for the test, and church music dinner/studio class. Wednesday I have a final at 8:30 and then I'll be done with interim. Already I'm in "break" mode, getting things done and getting ahead. Hopefully it'll be a profitable week and I'll be ready for the semester to start a week from Thursday.

A good song I've learned since coming back to school. We sing it at Thursday Night Bible Study a lot:

Thy mercy, my God, is the theme of my song,
The joy of my heart. and the boast of my tongue;
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
Hath won my affections, and bound my soul fast.

Without Thy sweet mercy I could not live here;
Sin would reduce me to utter despair;
But, through Thy free goodness, my spirits revive,
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart;
Dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground,
And weep to the praise of the mercy I’ve found.

Great Father of mercies, Thy goodness I own,
And the covenant love of Thy crucified Son;
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy, and pardon, and righteousness mine.

Probably one of my five best friends on this campus is a senior organ major. It will be so, so strange without him here next year. He has been the glue of the organ department since I've been here and he's been an amazing role model to follow.

Anyway, Kenny wrote something on our organ community blog which I just read this morning and found motivating, inspiring, convicting. I wanted to share with you all, especially Peter, AJ, and Grace, as aspiring musicians. His post was titled "Keeping it Humble."

During the past month, I came across a strange paradox: improvement, or the consciousness of it, is possibly one of the greatest antagonists to itself. The fight to keep myself humble about where I am is to me, much harder than the fight to get here, and in doing so, I know that I'm starting to let myself decay. The problem with learning to sight-read well is that it becomes increasingly easier to forsake honest hard work and wallow in mediocrity. So, perhaps my biggest flaw in my playing right now is that I think that I'm good, and thus don't have to work as hard which is completely and utterly false.

I've seen a whole spectrum a musicians in every field here at St. Olaf, and while talent does a rudimentary filter of which musicians I feel are more successful, I think the musicians I've always been enamored with were the ones who not only were passionate about their art, but also sweat blood over their practicing. I mostly have two flutists in mind, who both graduated in 2007; even when I nearly lived in the music building my sophomore year, I'd always see them in a practice room, early in the morning, and late at night. Yet, they were humble about it to the point that I didn't know how amazing one of them was until I went to her junior recital. On the other hand, I've seen musicians who also feel like their sight-reading skills can carry them through college---and they can, to a point. I've seen spectacular amounts of talent in certain people, who seemed like they could pick up anything and play it, but those who simply rode on their talent somehow were just never as good.

I'm not that good, I listened to my junior recital recording, and although I once thought that I was fantastic, it just wasn't very inspiring anymore. I went to practice today, and simply realized that I had a lot of work to do. I think there's a difference between self-confidence and pride, where pride measures the magnitude of the present, and self-confidence measures the magnitude of the future. I think it's important to remember to stay humble, because all it takes to find the land of mediocrity is to stop and admire your accomplishments. --Kenny

HOW IS IT THAT WE CAN HAVE NO IDEA WHAT GOD SAYS ABOUT HIMSELF (OR HERSELF?) OR SEXUALITY OR PASTORS OR TELLING THE TRUTH OR LIVING RESPONSIBLY (LIKE NOT GETTING SMASHED ON A WHIM) AND THEN WE CAN BE SO, SO CERTAIN ABOUT HOW TO LIVE IN REGARDS TO THE ENVIRONMENT.

GET OFF YOUR ARBITRARY HIGH HORSE, STOP GIVING YOURSELF A FALSE SENSE OF MORAL UPRIGHTNESS, AND GET REAL.

(I'm about to blow a fuse.)

I'm working on writing a response to one of this week's chapel services. It may, in some form, be condensed into a letter to the pastors, something one of my friends has already done himself. For now, however, I thought I'd share a paragraph so you can peak into the world of postmodern, deconstructionist, liberal spirituality in which I live. It is pitiful, how hopeless these dear people are, who have interpreted to death not just their discomforts but any hope of comfort they might've had. Nihilism would be just as hopeful than the course of meaningless searching they suggest. At least then we wouldn't tire in our search.

G. K. Chesterton said, poetically, "An open mind, like an open mouth, is meant to be closed on something solid." Another astute, if not as gracious, person, remarked of someone, "He was so open minded his brain fell out." A Christian mind should be open until it is closed on something solid. The question arises then, is there something solid we Christians may close our minds are? Or are we, as today's chapel speaker suggested, doomed to embrace the very act of questioning as the only conclusion available? And is there much comfort for a questioner who knows he will never find answers? Why continue to question?

I believe Martin Luther's answer to "On what may I close my mind?" was clear: Sola Scriptura, he demanded. This was the heart of his break with the Catholic church: The Bible alone is the Word of God and our consciences (our minds) are bound to it, and only it, as Christians. Luther's response to this conclusion was a life of tremendous piety and devotion, expressed and easily accessible in his writings. One need only turn as far his "Small Catechism" to find an immense catalog of answers to questions Christians ask (or should ask). Following in Luther's footsteps as we profess to do, I would argue we should be doing just as he did: Asking questions, searching for answers in Scripture, and then humbly, carefully, conscientiously patterning our lives after the answers we find. Questioning is only noble and Christian-like to the extent we are willing to settle ourselves on the answers we find. I'm not going to insist that the answers will be immediately apparent but I'd like to suggest they will be more easily found if they are sought. So rather than using a Christian, Lutheran chapel service to glorify the very process of questioning as if it were fundamental to Christian spirituality, we ought to crack open our Bibles and humbly ask for answers. If the Bible is not fundamental to spirituality, I don't know that our spirituality is uniquely Christian anymore, and certainly not uniquely Lutheran.

Some of you are aware that chapel is available, archived. I must respectfully and sincerely ask you not to look it up and listen to it. It was tremendously dishonoring to the Lord and not something a Christian ought to put in his mind. My friend and I deeply regret our failure to get up and walk out during the service but we are protesting what happened to those in authority, demanding that it not happen again. And personally, we are thankful for the opportunity it afforded us to sharpen our faith and our minds and our swords.

Worth getting excited about: Heaven.

This Josh Bales song became a favorite when I was "alone" in Tennessee in January 2006 when I did my recordings. Alone in some pretty big ways, actually. It was the first time I began to feel that I didn't have a home, a comfort zone, a place where I truly belonged. That feeling still hasn't gone away. I attribute it to my age and don't worry about it much.

The song became even more special when I visited Minnesota with Mom and drove around Minneapolis listening to it, thinking about moving 2000 miles from home all by my lil' self. Once again I am enjoying it this January.


(LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL)
I suggest travelling light
It's the only way to go
Whether you take the high roads
Or whether the by-roads
Always take the narrow road
Whether by sunshine
Or whether by moonlight
Enjoy your view
That's something that no one else can do for you.


(HEAVEN IS BETTER)
There are rolling greens
Hills you've never seen
And there's so much blue
Waiting around the corner for you
So don't weep too long
Because you're almost home
Just sing a pilgrim song
As you travel on.


(STRENGTH FOR TODAY AND BRIGHT HOPE FOR TOMORROW)
Put one foot down in front of the other and
Pilgrim you will soon discover that
There will be cold streams
When you're thirsty
There will be sunshine in the clouds
So don't look back
Don't get sidetracked
Just walk on.

There are rolling greens
Hills you've never seen
...

(THE BEST PART)
Pilgrim when you walk alone
Oh think about
sing about
dream about home.


There are rolling greens
Hills you can only dream about
...

Apparently it feels like -22 outside right now. This must be why I didn't enjoy my walk back from the practice rooms at sunset.

I guess I'm overdue for writing here. It's been a good few weeks--a few weeks marked by more understanding of math than I think I've ever possessed in my 21 years. I've enjoyed every bit of it, as frustrating as it can be how slowly I process things sometimes.

It's been unseasonably warm recently--even reaching 40 at one point. But it looks like we're in for the long haul with single-digit or sub-zero temperatures.

Interim is great--a good change of pace while still very productive. I am practicing a lot; more every day as the struggle to practice grows less and less. I'm getting back into a groove after a very shabby practice year in 2007, beginning with being so sick last spring. I'm started to get excited about large rep I'm planning to tackle for the year: Bach's A Major and Gigue Fugue and Passacaglia, Guilmant's 1st Symphony, and a lot of smaller things. I'm practicing a lot of easy stuff right now, most of it modern and half of it hymn-based, from The New Liturgical Year which Ferg edited. I was realizing today as I practiced that I need to build my wedding repertoire as well because I may be the only student organist on campus for a lot of this summer, which means I'll probably be playing a lot of weddings.

I keep starting sentences as if to write something up-beat. "I'm excited to be..." But truth is, I'm not. Probably because I didn't sleep much last night, have a painful hip because of the cold, a terrible headache from a long day, and a backache from three hours of practice. But I think it's also because nothing seems very exciting lately. A lot of stuff is cool--the lab project coming up, the concert I'm playing in on Sunday, the baton I will buy soon, the almost-daily opportunity I have to be at the gym, the plane ticket to Atlanta I just purchased, the L'Abri conference I'll attend next month. But there is always a briar in the rose. Nothing is quite satisfying and at the end of any day or any week I'm still tired.

I say nothing, but that's not quite accurate. The only thing that seems to get me genuinely excited lately is my relationship with God--the things He's teaching and showing me, the way He's patient with me, the way He wakes me up in the morning, the way He reminds me throughout the day, whatever is going on, "I am with you. I am full of compaassion and mercy. I am your friend. I will make you strong. I will make you holy. Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. Peace, perfect peace. Be still and know that I am God. I will provide for you. You can commune with me. I have shown you what is good. I have spoken to you."

That's worth getting excited about.

I must clean my room, figure out what textbooks and organ books I need to purchase for the spring semester that starts in only three short weeks, and work out my spring schedule. Later this evening a couple friends are probably coming over to watch Chariots of Fire.

The sun came out and smiled on our beautiful, 40-degree weather this afternoon, so to celebrate I went for a walk in the melting snow with my friend Annie, with no coat. A taste of spring.

4 months early.

I should be worried?

My roommate just said the following, pulling a little diary from the edge of her desk.

"So, I'm starting a list. As of now. Because it's interim. So I have nothing better to do with my time."

"I think I'll put it under important dates."

"Ah. There's my favorite pen."

"Is 'dingbat' spelled the way it sounds?"

The list, you might like to know, is a list of "Susan-isms." They're not really Susan-isms, they're just things she's never heard since she was homeschooled by Chinese parents. They are things I say that make her either laugh or look at me funny. Things like "dingbat" and "panties in a wad" and "out the wazoo."

And she thinks listening to the sound track to Ratatouille doesn't make her as weird as I am, or weirder.

Hello from Minnesota. Today is Day 2 of classes. Yesterday was easy and delightful.

Up at 7:00 for leisurely breakfast and devotions, first class meeting at 8:30, chapel at 10:10, lunch with buddies at 11:00, a good chat with Ferg around 12:30, a long time at the gym, good study of physics (motion, energy, power, work, velocity...), an hour of practice in Boe, quick dinner while I started my homework, an Early Music Singers rehearsal (I'm playing continuo), and then almost 3 hours of physics study with a friend who actually knows what he's doing. Then I went to bed.

The only part about yesterday I didn't mention is that by dinner I was pretty sure the strange feeling in my throat wasn't just the uncomfortably dry winter air. Sure enough, I went to bed with a sore throat and now I've woken up sick, sick, sick. Seems to be the same sort of bug a handfull of the organists had right before or during break. So now I'm heading into today determined not to complain (such a noble idea, hahaha!) because this is the best time I could've been sick. I have a whole weekend ahead of me to take it easy.

Today I have class in 40 minutes, then chapel, gym, lunch with Carrie, lab for 2.5 hours, practice for 2 hours, dinner, and study in the evening. Tomorrow I play for a master class with Dr. Tim Olson. Sunday he will give an organ/trumpet recital with a colleague. Monday and Tuesday are the beginning of our interim church music forums--dinners with Ferg on Monday night and hymn/anthem-playing master classes on Tuesday night.

I am going to learn so much this January. More for it being such an unknown subject to me. "Drowning" doesn't begin to describe where I am with all these equations, formulas, word problems. The last one I had to do yesterday was "If a 1500kg car has accelerated to a speed of 30 meters per second in a time of 20 seconds, calculate in units of Watts the average power required to accomplish this." Yeah right. But thanks to my gracious friend Mike, I am actually going to learn quite a bit. I think he was born doing physics. He is a genius, he thinks it's the most fun ever, and he is happily, patiently teaching me and waiting for me to process the data more slowly than an abacus could. (An abacus can't get distracted by impertinent information.) So I'm excited about this chance to actually succeed in the field of math, I hope, and am giving it my very best shot.

Off to take some Dayquil and make some tea. Have a great weekend, everyone. Say hi to Dr. Krabbendam for me, family.

In case anyone was waiting for the latest news bulletin, yes, Minnesota is still cold and dry.

I really don't know what compels me to write on this blog at random when I really should be sleeping.

But I am compelled, so I will write.

It's been a good Christmas. Good to see green again. (I had to blink a few times and re-orient myself when I first walked out the door the day after I flew in.) Good to be with family again. To see how much AJ & Grace have grown. To beat AJ in arm wrestling. To suffer the subsequent humiliation of having Grace beat me. (How does that happen!?) Good to just hang out with all my grown-up siblings. Good to work like a dog with them too. Good to cook and clean and otherwise fill a day full of work that wasn't remotely academic. Good to share my first LEGAL (wink, wink) glass of wine with my parents. Good to be with a few people I've very much looked forward to seeing--their number was few this break but the fellowship has been especially sweet. Good to grow closer through pain to a few people I hadn't known so well before. Good to play the Ruffatti again. (Try to stop me.) Good to play Scrabble with Mom. (Not so good to have her completely destroy me at it.) Good to move books (the librarian in me still exists). Good (very good) to sing with my family. Good to hear Peter, AJ, and Grace progressing on their instruments. Good to ride a bike or take a walk or go barefoot. Good to feel the sun warming my skin instead of weakly grinning at me from a distance as if to say "You WISH."

Good to learn lessons about love (powerful, supernatural love) and forgiveness and truth and coping (or not). Good to listen to Death Cab for Cutie's "What Sarah Said." Good to learn just how untouchable you can be when you're "living on the joy side of the Christian life." And yet you still cry yourself to sleep sometimes. Good to learn that to a degree your problems go with you wherever you go: someone said something to me this week about my deep care being admirable, but that I need to be able to let go and be more detached for my sanity's sake.... Or something like that. Sounded a lot like what Ferg says over and over again. Gee, I'm not hard to read.

I came home to stormy seas, to say the least, but the storms were different. As I reflect on it, here-a-storm-there-a-storm is good. God keeps me depending on Him and aware that nowhere is perfect except at His feet. So when I'm at school I crave the spiritual sanity and peaceful surroundings of home. When I come home, within only a few hours I find healing and rejuvenation from the emotional exhaustion created by all the brokenness around me at school. But then I face problems of another stripe and by the end of my break I am ready to go back and throw myself into studies. As much as I love being home--and I really, really do--I always have the sensation that I don't belong here right now, that my work is elsewhere. And never far from my mind is my missionfield. I feel so out of place being home in the Christian community where I grew up. Not that it's a bad or inferior or undesirable community. (Au contraire!) But right now Isaiah 61:1-3 is where God has me living. All in all, it's good to remember that "Here we have no continuing city, but we seek the one to come." And good to remember that "Heaven is wherever Jesus is."

Yeah. I just quoted that. So shoot me. (Or just allow me some poetry.)

Most of this break has been fast-paced and intense. Just look at our once-living-room. But the next two days I'm determined to just "chill." To hang out with my family, to live at the pool as much as possible, to sleep, and to spend what little remaining time available with a few of my dearest friends on the planet before I plunge into a long, intense year of studies. This year, if my plans are accurate, will hold 3 semesters' worth of work. These will be my classes in 2008:

Acoustics
Ear Training/Improv IV
Theory IV
Classical to Modern Music History
Basic Conducting
Brass Class
Personal Fitness
Counterpoint
Theology/Writing
Literature/Writing
String Class
Ballet I
Choral Conducting
World Music
French II
Church Music I

Of course not including organ studies and a full junior recital this November. Real, true breaks will be hard to come by. Thank God for Sundays.

I'm sure by now no one's surprised when I go AWOL at the end of each semester. I managed to thoroughly burn-out this time around but I got my second wind on Wednesday just in time for finals and though I went into all my finals with very little studying beforehand, I think so far I've done fairly well and always a little better than I expected on each of them. I have one more tomorrow and I'm hoping that pattern continues. People in the other section of the class have told me it's a tough one. I'll be in the campus coffee shop at 7:00 tomorrow morning analyzing and diagraming a Schubert ternary form piece and a Beethoven sonata movement, which are apparently the basis for the whole final.

Today's been lovely. Church was good this morning and I enjoyed lunch with a friend I don't have time to talk to very often here and then played hymns on the piano in Boe Chapel for an hour or two, took a nap, and went to the coffee shop ("The Cage") with another friend I rarely see. Now I'm listening to the Messiah and heading to dinner with one of my best friends in half an hour. Tonight my Bible study girls will come over and then I'll get to sleep early. I love Sundays.

Tomorrow I do laundry, pack, clean, organize, take my last final, meet with two or three professors, turn in various paperwork, and say goodbye to most of my friends. Tuesday morning I head home (a 13-hour travel day!) for two glorious weeks of R&R and warmth and sun.

I've not been sleeping well for several weeks--beginning with the anxiety over Christmas Fest that kept me awake after Thanksgiving. Lately there's been so much on my mind, especially so many hurting or needy people that I spend so much time with. It's this way every semester. I reach saturation point by the time I'm a few weeks away from the end. It's always good to get off campus and heal from the difficult environment I'm in. It's been an amazing semester to see God working, though, and to learn about how He works or doesn't. I've had to ask myself several times if I'm more interested in the good of one particular person or in God's glory. Am I OK with praying for someone's salvation with humility, knowing they may never know Christ?

The last six weeks have been marked by involvement in the lives of two people both characterized by incredibly honesty and committed to thinking deeply and living consistently. The difference between the two, it seems, is only the presence or absence of faith. I am overwhelmed to realize once again, and on an even deeper level, how completely faith is a gift from God.

One friend has a pretty colorful, typically worldly past. Grew up in church--even Missouri Synod instead of ELCA. I think he is a true believer and maybe has been for quite some time. God seems to have his heart. But his life is full of thorns and weeds and he is grappling with them, asking himself "Who am I?", troubled by his inconsistency. The amazing thing is that God is using my life, it seems, to make him ask these questions. I think I may be his best friend on this campus. (He's a freshman.) We have very serious conversations many times a week about serious stuff and we're mutually encouraging. But the way I live my life has been a huge challenge and an intrigue to him. I called him on some stupid stuff he did earlier this week, questioning him about the very apparent guilt he was feeling for not being who he should be. His response was the most beautifu, grateful humility I've ever seen. "Having a close friend who holds me accountable is making my guilt more obvious to myself. Thank you for that. For being there, not to judge, but to make the obvious too obvious to ignore." Wow. I am in awe that God is using me that way.

Meanwhile my other friend is a dear girl and one of the first true friends I had at this school. She's a junior and was raised in a very conservative, Christian, homeschool family. But her roots are not deeply intellectual or philosophical, both of which she is. She came to St. Olaf, enrolled in the Great Conversation program, and is on the verge of rejecting faith, reason, God, everything. I say on the verge, though our conversations (always in the wee hours of the morning and often tearful) suggest that the rejection has long since happened. She's confused and she knows the only consistent response to the worldview she's come to is suicide and yet here she is, still living life. In summary, she is THE textbook example for the message of L'Abri, Francis Schaeffer, Gordon Clark, Bob Reymond. I've given her Clark to read and urged her to go to L'Abri. We've talked very frankly. In the end what it comes down to is that she simply does not seem to possess the gift of faith. She does not believe. It is so frustrating to see her unable to embrace the philosophical and rational arguments I present to her, unable to accept Scripture and, with that, a God who is not the brick wall she feels him to be, who HAS spoken. And so she sits on my couch in tears over God's silence, people's hypocrisy, the pain and injustice she sees all around her, and worst, in her parents' treatment of their children. Her world simply does not make sense. Her life is so dark right now. Please pray God would enlighten her heart, giving her His spirit, so she might be able to see things as they are, so she might find comfort and solace in serving and loving a God Who Is There and Is Not Silent.

These two friends have been most heavily on my heart since the middle of November and I have lost sleep over both of them. Second to them are two other friends, one who's struggling with depression and life's challenges in a less than godly and mature way and consequently hurting many people around her, including myself. The other is John, who I may or may not see ever again. I really think I will. He left for Christmas yesterday and if he doesn't pass music history he may not come back. He's not sure he wants to be here, but things I've seen this past week make me suspect he wants to be here more than he lets on. I think this place is good for him and the best is yet to come for him. And he said his organ professor ran into the music history professor at Caribou Coffee on Saturday. He was grading papers and told Dr. Rodland that he wasn't sure yet, but it looks like John just may have scraped by. There were many high-fives when a few of us received that news. So we shall see.

All that to say, I'm ready to come home and be in the presence of people who I can just BE with; to just hang out with my family and not crawl into bed every night to reflect for sleepless hours on my latest heart-to-heart conversation with a needy or hurting person. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful to be here and to be used of God. I am absolutely confident He has me just where He wants me, both for my sake and for the sake of those whom I interact wit. But everyone needs a Sabbath and I'm due for one.

One more neat thing: I've been getting a lot of crap for being a Calvinist. I don't know as many as five other Calvinists on this campus. I am like this weird freak from the circus to some of my friends and lately it's been a hotter topic than in the past, partly because one of the freshman organ majors is a staunch ELCA poster boy and he likes to yank my chain. A couple of the other organ majors, though, are a little deeper than Poster Boy. Last night a few of them (not including Poster Boy) were at my room for cocoa and cookies after a crazy night of Christmas Caroling to professors' houses. One of them was scanning my bookshelf and noticing Calvin's Institutes and struck up a conversation. He'd done a paper one year when he had a Calvinist professor in highschool on election. He thought it made sense and wasn't as creepy and horrible of a thing as everyone made it out to be. He wanted to understand it better and asked. So I explained. It made sense to both him and my other "deeper" organ buddy. It was a short conversation since Poster Boy walked into the room a moment later and we all laughed at the ironic timing, like we'd been caught with our hands in the cookie jar. But it was a seed planted and it was encouraging to see how interested they were and how well they understood my quoting "No one comes to Me unless the Father draws him," and "He who comes to Me I will in no wise cast out." That made perfect sense to them and didn't seem as cold-hearted as everyone says election is.

Anyway, I never have a dull moment up here.

Off to dinner. I'll see a lot of you this week!

Please pray for my friend John who will not pass music history unless he gets a B- on the final. I don't even think at this point that I'm going to get a B- on the final. The only reason I will is because starting tonight I'm studying for the next 36 hours minus sleep and other appointments in order to help John. If he doesn't pass the class he's planning to withdraw from school. John is not the brightest kid. He does really stupid stuff and it won't be anyone's fault but his own if he doesn't pass. But it will be really sad if he withdraws from school. I won't be the only one who misses him dreadfully and all that he adds to our studio and our department.

The final is Thursday at 2. We have tonight, most of tomorrow, and Thursday morning to study.

There seem to never be enough washing machines or organs at St. Olaf. I spent more time waiting to do my laundry today than I did practicing.

Our facilities--four practice organs on a 5th floor and three performance organs in high-demand public spaces--are just not making the cut for 12 organ majors and almost that many other organ students. At this time of the year, when we're all preparing juries and recitals, there can literally be a LINE for practicing, like tonight when Susan ("Little Susan") and I showed up to kick Mike out of Boe at the same time. My senior year--when there are seven majors preparing senior recitals, three majors preparing juniors, and who knows how many freshmen and sophomores preparing entrance and continuance performances--is going to be a nightmare.

Christmas Fest musings continue: I owe a great debt to my friend Mike for his comments on Friday about what it means to be a Christian performer, offering worship through our performances.

Last night went very well. The performance was note perfect, piston perfect, swell-box perfect, articulation perfect, collaboration perfect, and even internally perfect... Except for one note in the opening, exposed, sparse lines of the organ intro. I was thinking too hard and moved my hand to the next keyboard a beat too early, causing me to miss a very obvious downbeat at the end of a melodic line. A more exposed mistake is hard to make. I was flustered for about 5 seconds. I was indeed flustered--as flustered as I would usually get. But the remarkable thing is that it lasted for five seconds. I put it out of my mind, went on with the performance, and triumphed. When I got off the bench to sit quietly through the next two pieces before I could re-ascend the ladder and take my place with the choir my heart was full of joy at how the performance had gone: Joy because of God my Strength, who'd enabled me to play an absolutely perfect performance, and joy that He had given me that one glaring error so I might remember Him as my Redeemer too. I was immensely pleased with my performance, mistake and all. I spent no anxiety or regret or feeling of failure on it. Thank you, Mike, for your words and thank you, God, for giving them to him. His comment afterwards was "It wasn't me talking, that's for sure..."

Last night right before the end one of our seasoned directors--herself enjoying her 25th Christmas Fest this year--made an embarassing blunder, getting up to direct her piece two pieces too early and having to be whispered to by a colleague. She looked confused, a little flustered, and a little embarassed as she sat back down for the next number. Clearly going through the same performance nerves I go through, sophomore that I am. I grinned: One thing's for sure: I am in good company.

Our last performance begins in just over two hours. This one is going to be simulcast to theaters all over the country. I could make another mistake like I've done every night so far. I'm sure it would contain yet another lesson for me in The Art of Being a Christian Performer. But I've been praying all day that God would let me do an absolutely spotless job today for Him and also, honestly, for Sig, Ferg, Dr. Armstrong, Dr. Aspaas, and Mr. Amundson, not to mention for my fellow Cantoreites. I really want to give them that gift. They deserve it.

Just five hours from now 2007 Christmas Fest, and probably also my ability to phonate, will be history. Certainly the best thing I've taken from this week has been the practice of beginning a performance with these words:

"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord my Strength and my Redeemer."

Another Christmas Fest musing:

Thursday night my solo performance went terribly. According to my friends it sounded good. Only a couple mistakes were noticeable. According to Ferg, "It settled down nicely," code for "It took you awhile, though." But also according to Ferg, I should not worry about it. Yet another element of the St. Olaf music philosophy that I love so much: It's not about being perfect. It's about making music and learning. We are, after all, just students.

Whatever it sounded like to the audience, it felt like Chinese water torture to me. It must not have lasted nearly 3 minutes but it felt like 10 and I felt so exposed. Thankfully I wasn't aware of the massive TV cameras just inches from my head. Everyone I've talked to since performances started has asked me how I managed to play with those things staring me down. "I don't know," is the answer. That performance was so hard for me spiritually and mentally that I couldn't sleep for almost 2 hours after I went to bed and was sick to my stomach all day yesterday.

But several things have combined to teach me some really good lessons from this, not least of which being what it takes to mentally focus (it is a long, long process) before an intimidating performance. But the lessons I want to share here are about what God does with our worship.

One of my dear friends here encouraged me yesterday that the point of our worship is not that it be perfect because then we'd miss the point of why Christ was incarnate. Christ makes perfect our blemised offerings and all we can think about in a performance setting is offering ourselves to God as if no one were watching. That in itself is what will please God far more than perfection.

Ferg, in preparation for Thursday night's performance, prayed, ending with the words, "may the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts be acceptable in your sight, O Lord our strength and our Redeemer." Those words have always been significant to me but not until pondering them in light of my frightening performance on Thursday did they come alive: Christ is not only our strength, giving us words and meditations that will be acceptable to God (or in my case, notes) but redeeming us, both by taking those imperfections and transforming them to be beautiful offerings in the eyes of His Father and by forgiving our imperfections. With such a Strength and Redeemer a lot of the risk is removed from performance.

Third lesson: I'm reminded of Lewis in Shadowlands: "Prayer doesn't change God, it changes me." I had several dear friends praying for me yesterday and even during the performance, including three of my musician buddies in the choir, one who I whispered to as I crawled down the ladder to put on my shoes and get ready. For me it was a matter of turning from all my plans for how to handle stress (because the nausea I experience is unresponsive to any attempt at calming it) and simply saying "God, I believe you are pleased to answer prayer." I hope last night was not just a lesson in answered prayer for me but for my friends who were praying.

I suppose I'd best tell you the outcome of all this prayer and musing and preparation: Last night was perhaps the best performance I've ever had in terms of how I felt. The nerves were gone. I was completely focused on the music and hardly missed a note. I enjoyed the performance immensely and I supported my talented colleagues well. It just felt like a good, fun rehearsal run-through. God is gracious.

And though in the economy of saving grace we don't "do our best" and then God fills it up with his grace, in college one had best not assume God will pull you through unless you're also willing to lift a finger to address the work at hand, which is why I'd best get moving on the theme-and-variations composition project that's due in theory class on Tuesday and hasn't yet been started, though it was assigned weeks and weeks ago. So enough musing for now.

I think no two words in the English language are more deflating than these:

"Freezing drizzle."

That's what our winter storm is going to be by early tomorrow morning. Presently the snow has started and promises to dump at least 6 inches.

In lieu of ALL the lyrics--or most of them--which I'd still like to post and muse about but haven't the time (I'm headed for an organ lesson now on less than 6 hours of sleep)...

Our processional hymn has this as its second verse:

Breathe, oh breathe thy loving Spirit
into every troubled breast
Let us all in thee inherit
Let us find the promised rest
Take away the love of sinning,
Alpha and Omega be--
End of faith as its beginning,
Set our hearts at liberty.

After standing in a round (500 voices encircling a dimly lit, massive auditorium) singing Elgar's The Spirit of the Lord Is Upon Me, we begin our processional with this congregational hymn. We've just sung that the Spirit is upon us to preach deliverance to the captives, to heal the broken-hearted.

After the women sing the first verse of the processional hymn, the one quoted above is sung by men alone. I turn and start walking in the procession with a surreptitious grin and wink to my buddy John who's been standing next to me--one of the most talented musicians I know, the one who's trying not to flunk history, who likes pot and alcohol and Bach and Widor but "PLEASE no studying. I need to practice."

As I walk I wish for a moment I could be singing this verse I've come to love over the years as the most poetic declamation of the doctrine of sanctification and perseverance I know. Then I think of why God's sent me to St. Olaf and pray he'd use me for "the recovering of sight to the blind," and "to preach the acceptable year of the Lord." I think of all my friends here. Most of them are guys, oddly enough, and most of them are singing in the choir right at this moment, marching around Skoglund with no thought to the words they are singing. And I, thinking about them, stand silent.

So I pray as I process. "God, be pleased to hear me as Moses, for Christ's sake making intercession for a people with broken hearts and blind eyes. While they sing mindlessly listen to my prayer that you would take away their love of sinning, be their Alpha and Omega, set their hearts at liberty. Look beyond their going through the motions and hear the words they sing instead. Let the work of Christ move your heart with compassion for these lost friends of mine who are doubtless loved by you more than by me."

I could bore you with the details of everything I have to do between now and the time I get on an airplane three weeks from now, but that would be boring. And it might make you cry, like it did me this afternoon.

I had a bit of a breakdown today after wasting a precious 90 minutes with the most ineffecient, frustrating rehearsal I didn't even know I was signing up for when I agreed to play continuo for a Schutz oratorio. Apparently to this director, continuo=accompanist. This same director is administering a music history quiz tomorrow which I will quite possibly flunk. Why you would administer a quiz of this magnitude the day of Christmas Fest dress rehearsal when most of your students are in said dress rehearsal and are undergoing anywhere from 20 to 30 hours of performance and rehearsal ASIDE from the usual in a week, I will never know.

Rant over.

As I said, I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say I went to talk to another professor about meeting to rehearse (big surprise) for the aforementioned oratorio, pulled out my schedule, stared at it unable to form a sentence or even a word for 60 seconds, and then started crying. Yeah, a little stressed out.

The stress, you see, is because the nausea is back. I hate that. But the nausea is because the stress is back. Probably I am not happy with this cycle because I've been spoiled by the nausea-less, stress-less life I lead here. Busy as heck, yes. Stressful, not usually. I don't know how I did what I did before college. Nausea sucks.

So I'm going to practice the organ for 30 minutes, something I rarely do lately, hoping that will relieve some stress. Then I'm going to eat dinner with friends for 30 minutes, hoping that will take my mind off the nausea long enough to ingest food. Then I'm going to rehearse, rehearse, finish a project, and cram for that quiz.

Keep me in your prayers the next three weeks. Pray I'd have the ability to enter into what I'm doing with joy. Hopefully that'll make the nausea go away. I hate it when I get so busy I can't enjoy the things I do, because all the things I'm doing are my favorite things: accompanying, rehearsing, practicing, performing, analyzing, listening, singing, learning. I love these things. I need to love them.

Then there's that little part where the temperature dropped to an unforgiving 8ish degrees this morning and I left my room with my fall jacket and a skirt on, not having bothered to check the weather.

Florida, here I come.

I promise I'll sit down and write about the music of Christmas Fest this year sometime before it happens. It'll help put me in the spirit, memorize the lyrics, and chill. So I will take the time for it. Even if it means flunking my history quiz.

I would write something if I weren't going to bed, RIGHT NOW.

Christmas Fest season began last night. 9 hours down, about 20 to go.

Praying for deeper friendships, better fellowship, encouragement in Christian faith, people to talk to about how to live in the world and not of it... Three answers so far, and counting:

A five hour conversation with Rachel F on Tuesday night till 3:30 a.m. Talking classics and philosophy and its relationship to Christian life and theology. About philosophical and intellectual struggles in our faith. About reformed theology but not by that name--she's not there yet. About pain and love and loving anyway. About trusting God and seeking communion with Him.

A three hour conversation with Mike P last night over dinner and well beyond. Talking about some of our pasts. About being a Christian musician and playing to God's glory, not just gigging it. About how to keep up our integrity and identity while talking shop with people who don't get it. About God's hand in our lives to draw us to glorify Him whether we wanted to listen at first or not. About shining our light and letting God illuminate if He wishes.

A one hour conversation with Dave O, the campus minister from Emmaus. Talking about much of the above. About how best to be a Daniel in this place, to be in the world and not of it. About how to care and yet stay sane. About washing everything we do in prayer. About praying specifically for individual people. About intentionally giving our burdens to God. About learning how to be a stronger and stronger Christian in a place like this. About thinking of it as warfare and a missionfield. About wisdom and the fear of God.

Maybe the worst of the loneliness is over. God has been so gracious to answer my prayers so quickly and abundantly.

This weekend promises more of the same since I and two or three Christian friends are headed for 24 hours at L'Abri.

Sunday night probably I'll post some lyrics from the coming Christmas Fest. Once again, Christmas Fest has been therapy to my sometimes angry, sometimes discouraged soul. God is in His heaven.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I sure wish I were home right now... Even though I guess my family is pretty scattered this year. See a lot of you in less than 4 weeks!

My project is done. I probably have not worked that intensely since I was packing to move to school. Everything went wrong. The library closed earlier than I thought it would. I lost an hour of work 20 minutes before the thing was due and did a really shoddy job replacing it. There are no page numbers on my second paper--hah! And I ran it over to his PO box at 5:00 p.m. without the bibliography and then wrote the bibliography and ran it back over, happily discovering he hadn't picked anything up yet. There are really no words for how badly this day went. I was going to go to the gym at 5:00. Instead I think I burned more calories than I would've there just running and sweating and working that high-intensity.

The project is done. Too bad I couldn't read the second paper because probably, since I rewrote it after losing it, there will be parts that don't make much sense. But all in all I have learned A HUGE AMOUNT from this endeavor and, regardless of my grade, it has been time well spent.

Dinner!

I am so blonde. In case my post on Saturday didn't convince you:

I'm in the research library hammering out the last touches on my first paper, desperately needing to move on to the analytical paper which I've merely outlined. Both are due, signed, sealed, and delivered, footnotes, bibliographies, and all, in exactly 3 hours and 27 minutes.

And suddenly I realize that my whole thesis: Martin Luther writing to Johann Walter about the second edition of the Geistliches Gesangbuchlein (1551) makes no sense. Why? Martin Luther died in 1546.

The editing involved less than half an hour and probably more than legitimate creative license.

And now the analytical paper begins.

The reason I'm in jail right now is that after twenty minutes of endless crooning and vamping between I and IV from the guitarist downstairs I couldn't take it anymore and went down and smashed his guitar. Send bail.

The Philharmonia (2nd school orchestra) concert in Boe last night featured Schubert's Unfinished Symphony, Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique movt. IV, Bizet's L'Arlesianne Suite, I, III, and IV, a cool Kodaly piece, and Copland's Outdoor Overture. For all but the Kodaly I carried study scores with me from the library and followed along. It was fun.

As Hannah Rietz would say, "Don't judge me." :)

Luke Wynja's ministry is already a tremendous blessing to me and to our whole church. He is preaching through Joshua and feeding us richly. This morning's message, on the need for us to remember God's power and providence through His past actions, was from the story of Israel crossing the parted Jordan and erecting a stone memorial, receiving God's command, "When people ask you, say..." Luke exhorted us that we should use remembering God's faithfulness not just to bolster our faith but to witness the gospel, and then beautifully tied the passage into another memorial: The Lord's Supper, which we celebrated today. We sang an unusual number of hymns... Jesus Paid It All, O Worship The King, Let All Things Now Living, Now Thank We All Our God, Blessed Jesus, At Your Word, When I Survey, and Love Divine, All Loves Excelling.

For your prayers...

That I would find extra strength (including extra time to make it to the gym every day) in the next two weeks so I would be strong and pain-free for the six nights of standing for 3 hours that is coming up with Christmas Fest.

Pray for God's continued healing of my roommate, who called last night to say she is markedly better.

Pray for opportunities for the gospel among my friends. I'm praying continually for their salvation but was struck this morning, partly by Luke's sermon, partly by thinking about this tough environment where there is never time or context to go deeper than what you're having for lunch or what the function of the Neopolitan chord is... I was struck by the need to pray not just for salvation, but for God to provide opportunities for the gospel to be heard. I live so openly before them; pray that they would ask. Pray especially for Chris, Sam, Susan, Elizabeth, John, Michael, Andrew, Mike, and Tim, the freshmen and sophomore organ majors. I'm not sure any of them truly know Christ.

Pray for safe travels and refreshment for Brett, Daniel, and me as we head down to Rochester for an overnight of R&R and felowship with the folks at L'Abri.

Pray for quick and disciplined mind (and fingers!) as I finish my last week, practically speaking, of real academics. I have almost an entire week of Thanksgiving break, since all my Tuesday events have been cancelled. I need to finish up music history reading--several hundred pages, my final theory/comp project, my final orchestration project, my history research paper, a dozen small assignments for woodwind class, and a Bach Prelude & Fugue, as well as polish music for three big performances coming up. Once this break is over there'll be little to no time available for studying outside of rehearsals and meetings and classes before school gets out, so I need to get things done now.

For now I'm going to bundle up and enjoy what I fear may be my last Sunday afternoon walk before it gets genuinely cold (it's high 30s today), and then hopefully a good nap before an orchestra concert and Bible study tonight.

Hello from my now-quiet and empty dorm room where I should be asleep already but of course I'm not because that would be sensible and I tend not to be.

Feeling good about all the progress I made on my project today, I decided to knock off for the night and enjoy good fun with my favorite people. It was the birthday of one of my colleagues so, to celebrate, 13 of us organists walked into town--a half hour walk--in the almost-freezing weather to Hogan Brothers (hoagie shop) for dinner and crazy, nerdy fun. From there we walked back towards campus and half of us stopped for almost an hour at the park to throw a frisbee. (Organists playing frisbee is as dysfunctional as you were just thinking.) Eventually that degenerated into some side-splittingly funny escapades on the jungle gym and swingset. Then we walked back to my room and drank tea and cocoa while listening to organ music.

And now for some reason there is rap proceeding both from the room beside me and from the stairwell down the hall, an unusual occurence at St. Olaf. Sleeping on the weekends isn't always the easiest endeavor.

Hello from the music library, where I am in the process of concluding several weeks of research on early 16th century German liturgy and hymnody. A mysterious, elusive text that is featured as the first two lines of the piece I'm researching for my semester project has stumped both myself and our music librarian. We have looked in indexes you would rather not be aware of. (For example, an index of all hymn/chant tunes sorted by solfege syllable of the opening of the melody.) Nothing has turned up the origin of this text.

Until today! I was sitting in Boe Chapel, listening to the Philharmonia rehearse for their concert tomorrow, researching away. Suddenly I made a major breakthrough, resulting in this profound, though as yet improperly formatted, footnote; a footnote, I like to think, that would make my dad proud, if only it had lived long enough to be properly formatted:

In his chapter entitled Liturgical Music as Corporate Song 1: Hymnody in Reformation Churches, in the book Liturgy and Music, edited by Robin Leaver and Joyce Ann Zimmerman, Collegeville: Liturgical Press, 1998, p. 284, Leaver mentions the German hymn Wir glauben all an einen Gott in his list of the five hymns that became a new "ordinary" in the Deutsche Messe, commenting that "Luther developed the principle that the congregation could sing [the five parts of the ordinary] in hymnic form." From this it is clear that this Geman setting of the Credo was in common use in the new ordinary, though I cannot discover who was personally responsible for the translation of the text from the original Latin creed.

Fast-forward one euphoric hour. I'm now sitting in the music library and suddenly I stumble across something that makes a similar observation to Leaver's in one of my main sources. Weird, I think, that I never saw this stuff before. And then I remember that I have continually confused the titles Wir glauben all an einen Gott and In Gott glaube ich. The reason for my breakthrough, it turns out, is that this exciting information actually had nothing to do with the piece I was working with. So I'm deleting that footnote which makes me as sad as only a Beisner can be at the deletion of a footnote. It's back to the old drawing board, as Ruth Lothers used to say.

And lest you think for a moment that this was only a fluke, a small anomaly in my otherwise brilliant career, here's another moment of truth from just now. I was comparing my test with John, my friend who I helped study. One of the names he properly idetified (a matching format) was Philip the Good. "Wait, why did you get that right and I didn't? I put down Philip the Good, too." I looked back at my answer. Philip the Good was letter A in our list of choices. I, of course, wrote "P" for Philip.

And so continues my illustrious career.

Did I mention I agonized for 10 minutes over the analysis of a chord on my recent theory test only to give up, leave it blank, and turn in the test? Then I walked out of the classroom followed by John, who'd just finished as well. "John! What was the function of that stupid C-flat major chord in the Brahms!?" "It was a IV chord, duh." "Huh? Oh! You're right! We modulated but I was still looking at the key signature." So now my professor jokes, "Apparently Beisner doesn't know how to analyze a IV chord."

Apologies to all of you who found this thorougly boring.